I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
