New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
