what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You ate ashes out of my bong
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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