what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
