an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
