awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
