walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
