A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
