so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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