Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
