I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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