so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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