He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
These tits shall not be calmed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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