So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
