I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
