I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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