I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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