so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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