She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
