I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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