talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
