She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am naked and annoyed.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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