i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize