Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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