well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
