Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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