The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
