So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
