if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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