If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
