I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
