you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
