Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Never joke about your clitoris.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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