I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
