I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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