half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you made out with another girl for some wings
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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