for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Is it because I queefed?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
