Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
