OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
