In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
