i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
