mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
