I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
