i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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