Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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