i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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