he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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