Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
