I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
