Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
