sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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