No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
