Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
