Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
