Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
