dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
