yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
