Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
