I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
