6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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