I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
