Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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