She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
