If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You ruined the universe
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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