with your own penis?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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