having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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