I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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