U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize