Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
