we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
